JackDaniels624 has 121 chronicles

1. House of the Dead: Overkill review! *contains spoiler, but they don't matter*
   

   Player Chronicle -- Posted on Jun 12 2009

   Okay mother****ers! I just finished this game so I'm gonna review it now? Got a mother****in' problem with that mother****er? Alright, enough of that...If that tiny little bit annoyed you I promise you will absolutely hate the game, seeing as that's probobly used just as many times as the letter E is...Now I'm not offended by language, I just wanted to make that clear, that's said A LOT! Now on with the review.
   
   House of the Dead is another Wii railshooter game (what the rail part means, I'm not exactly sure, I've never questioned it). You knew that though because it's House of the Dead though right? I mean if you honestly haven't at least heard of a House of the Dead game, you are the definition of a neophyte.
   
   Okay, so it's another House of the Dead game, very much like the past games gameplaywise, however now they actually TRIED to make the game funny. Remember in House of the Dead 2 when you let the innocent die by the well and he crawled towards you with his final words, and all the guy says is "My God..." in a way that sounds like he was complaining about how the guy whined before he died (classic moment) instead of sounding shocked and appauled like he was OBVIOUSLY supposed to? Well this game is like a really bad horror movie, with Agent G's occassional horrible acting, which is very funny, to the grainy camera, the stereotypical angry black cop who wants revenge, never got close to anyone, and always says "mother****er!". My personal favorite is when Papa Ceaser slaps Jasper in the face with his cane, which sends Jasper's glasses flying across the floor (with the camera following and zooming on the glasses), only to show the glasses on his face in the next scene . Then the scene after their off. Also there are occassional characters moving a few noticable inches which may seem like a game glitch, but I'm pretty sure it's a joke on horror movies where they film part of a speech then cut into a different take midway. Basically this game is very funny, and worth playing if you like that kind of humor...There's more to the review still!
   
   Gameplay is as expected. Zom-I'm sorry, Agent G makes it very clear not to use the Z-word, they're "Mutants"...So the game takes you from area to area, since you can't move yourself, although you can pan in any direction a little bit. Some mutants appear, and you blast them. Repeat until boss battle. If your a score whore, the accuracy bonuses will keep you playing, but if your like me you can only take so much of a railshooter at one time. Also you can buy and upgrade weapons (which you can hold 2 per level). There's not many choices, and from what I remember there's your basic magnum, a stronger magnum, 2 shotguns (one automatic, the other pump), a sub-machine gun, and an assault rifle. I found the auto-shotty to work just fine on it's own, and you can easily save up money for it in just a few levels. The other weapons work fine, but the auto-shotty clearly outclasses them all, so just buy that and upgrade it. You can also find grenades throughout each level, which are nice, although guns work just as fine. Other things you can shoot to pick up are health, golden brains (collect them for bonus artwork and other stuff I didn't care about...all it did was break my combos when I missed), and a slow-motion thing that can be pretty cool, and very helpful for chaining a combo together, or getting some much needed health with a wave of mutants flying at you. As for the combos I mentioned earlier, you kill mutants without missing and you fill up a revolver chamber with shells. When it fills up, it'll say hardcore violence, or extreme violence or something that really doesn't matter, although when you get it high enough you get a "Goregasm" in which the revolver shells are replaced by an American flag, which I found hilarious since it's kinda like...I dunno how to say this exactly, but it kinda plays off of our American zeal and how excited we get (well, used to get) about our country. Personally I always picture some fratboys watching a cheesy horror movie then when the climax is coming up someone does something extremely over the top with an American flag and the frat boys start yelling "**** YEAH! WOO USA USA!!! WOOOOOO!" then proceed to slam their beers in joy. Although I'm probobly the only one who get's what I just said...
   
   The controls were...well, they worked, but nothing will ever replace the feeling of being in an arcade standing up with a plastic gun. Since it's for the Wii, you point and press B to shoot, and A to reload. The confusion started when I decided to change weapons, eventually figuring out it was 1 or 2. The problem was this game is fast, and mistakes can be deadly, though the game is pretty easy and you can make plenty, and you will. Plus if you die you get three continues per level, the most I ever used was 2 in a level, and maybe 5 altogether. Anyway the other annoying thing was figuring out how to use a grenade (and that's where a few of those continues came into play). I believe it's the plus button. When you get that down it's easy to use grenades, but changing weapons required me to move my reload finger too far, and while the weapon is changed immediately, I found it much easier and faster to just reload making the second weapon useless.
   
   The music in the menus is quite hilarious, and the gameplay music was just fine. And I just have to mention that there's a hilarious joke when Agent G asks Isaac Washington (the black guy) what kind of music he likes, and Isaac freaks out saying that they barely even know eachother and it was too soon to talk about eachothers musical tastes .
   
   The story is another cheesy horror movie, again for the humor, and it is pretty funny. Basically Washington wants to kill Papa Ceaser cuz he killed his father, for some reason he hates G and for seemingly no reason puches him in the face in the beginning. Agent G (who never reveals what the G stands for, and is a recurring joke) is a rookie agent who just wants to do things by the books. They run into some typical horror movie BA chick, and G falls in love with her. Then near the end you find out Ceaser was just a puppet for Clement, a very creepy prison warden who just wanted to save his mommy, who is a complete *****. She eventually turns into a big scary monster with extremely disgusting breasts flying around completely uncensored. I doubt even a 13 boy would be even slightly aroused, so don't get excited, it's very disgusting. Anyway so just when the battles about to start one of the two guys says something like how are we gonna do this, and the camera cuts out, skipping to a part that where the two agents are outside saying "Man how did we manage to survive that!" "Yeah it's a good thing we managed to find these miniguns!" Very funny, but it doesn't end there, and you actually get to play a final battle against her, which is very easy. At the end Clement threatens to blow everything up if he's killed, and only asks to return to the womb...I didn't mention he was seen making out with his mommy earlier...anyway yeah, he uh...walks over to his moms body and walks into the womb...I will say no more about that. Anyway G points out the irony that Washington never called Clement a mother****er, despite how he most likely actually DID **** his mother...Of course he says it in an intellectual way so it's much funnier.
   
   Anyway the reason I spoiled most of the funny parts is because I doubt anyone's gonna rush out and play this, and quite frankly I can only suggest it to humor fans...Although I'm sure Youtube vids will have all the cutscenes to watch online, so just go watch those (especially the one where the agents play rock paper scissors to see who has to read the rights to a swamp monster). So I give this game 6 mother****ers out of 10. Worth a rent for the humor, but not worth buying unless you really love rail shooters.

   
   

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