Dead Pixels has 41 chronicles

1. The Love Letter Series: Sony
   

   Player Chronicle -- Posted on Mar 17 2009

   Dead Pixels
   By Ryan M. Eft
   3/16/2009
   
   The Love Letter Series: Sony
   
   Dear Sony,
   I’ve called this my Love Letters series, but really, yours is going to be more of a Dear John sort of thing. Please, don’t be angry. It’s definitely not you…oh, hold on a sec, yes it is. It’s most definitely you.
   
   I’m not sure where to start. I want to start with a list of things Playstation 3 has done right in these few years, but I’m honestly having a hard time coming up with anything. Your die-hard supporters like to remind me, with a smirk or sometimes even a sneer, that you “don’t break”. This is the primary evidence of your quality. And let’s examine that for a moment. Your primary draw over your competition…is that you work? That is a seriously backhanded compliment. I have actually had something closely approximating the following conversation:
   
   Me: “Name me ten must-play games that you can only get on Playstation 3.”
   Sony Fan: “Well…Uncharted…um…Little Big Planet…Metal Gear…*silence*”
   Me: “Now name me ten must-play games that you can only get on the Xbox 360.”
   Sony Fan: *sneer, smirk* “Well, at least the PS3 doesn’t break.”
   
   Now, Microsoft and I already spoke about the infamous Red Light. But your fans seem to think the lack of a birth defect is a selling point. And yeah, the 360 is not a perfectly reliable piece of hardware. In that regard, it reminds me of…well, of the Playstation 2. Sorry! I had to mention that, and you had to know it was going to come up. People who live in glass houses, and all that.
   
   Besides that, I’ll bow to the truth of one thing your boosters tell me of. After all, we can’t break up until I’ve given you your moment. So here you go: the Playstation 3 is the Swiss army knife of game systems. The only thing it doesn’t have is a laser (yet). You won the DVD format wars, and Blue-Ray seems the ascendant choice for disc-based film.
   
   Well, there are a couple problems with that, as I’m sure you’re aware. Firstly, discs of any kind are not the only way to get films. Microsoft’s successful relationship with Netflix ought to prove that. Second, and most important, the Playstation 3 is supposed to be, well, a video game machine. So the fact that it can play over-priced movies doesn’t make up for the next relentless beating. Go ahead, take it like a man: you have no games.
   
   Okay, I exaggerate. Of course, you have games. But above I mentioned all but a few of the exclusive killer aps you’ve got. Killzone 2 was delayed forever, wasn’t the revolution in shooters we were promised, and decided to come out about three seconds before the multi-platform phenom that is Resident Evil 5. I won’t even go into the list of Microsoft’s exclusive awesomeness, as it would only embarrass you. As bad as the lack of current exclusives is, it’s nothing compared to what you’ve lost. Resident Evil 5. Final Fantasy XIII. Those two leaving alone is something akin to a cruise missile to the face. And why have you lost all this potential greatness? Well, that brings us to our next point.
   
   You are really, really mean to your friends. I mean, when we go out for drinks, it’s kind of embarrassing. You made yourself really, really hard to develop for. I mean, really hard. And really expensive. The PS3 is the opposite of user-friendly to a developer. And when the outcry finally got to a point where you couldn’t ignore it, you had a golden opportunity to mend some burnt bridges. And what did you do?
   
   Well, you essentially called every developer who does not want to work with you a pussy. I mean, you said that if they did not want to work through the technological hurdles and snotty attitude to spend more and make less on an unpopular console, then they were weak.
   
   That was a fun night. I had to drive you home, remember? You passed out on the couch for two days.
   
   And really, that’s not all you’ve said. It’s just been championship-level bullshit from you, right out of the starting gate. Remember when there was an outcry over the $600 price-tag at launch? I want to note: the system was cheap for what you got, on a technical level. However, there is such a thing as civility, whether you’re right or not. Essentially telling everyone “Hey, we could charge more, quit your whining” is not civility.
   
   So, you’re a prick. We’ve established this. You also like to send mixed signals. By my count, you’ve hit us with six different versions of the PS3 since launch. Many of these lacked backwards compatibility, but failed to make much of this detail. That’s really kind of dishonest, and relationships require honesty.
   
   There’s a rumor that in another month, you’ll be unable to avoid another round of price cuts. I can see it now: Playstation 3, now with no controller!
   
   Now, I’ve been bitching at you for a while. But hey, I’m a fair guy. So, I’ll maybe give you one more chance. But you have to make some serious personal changes. I’ve made you a list. If you’re still around when the next gen hits, keep these suggestions in mind.
   
   A. Make your model and pricing options something someone without an undergraduate degree can keep track of. This one is pretty simple, yet you keep messing up.
   
   B. Gamers want to play games. Only hardcore tech junkies care if you can store eight million movies. Or launch a rocket to the moon, or whatever flashy features you come up with that do not involve playing games.
   
   C. How about some games? There are promising titles only on PS3 that are supposed to come out in 2009, but they are still few and far between, and your next real system-seller won’t hit for a full year. A system is no good without something to play on it.
   
   D. Be a little nicer. Your virtual manhood won’t shrink if you admit you goofed. I know you think it will. But guys and game system manufacturers can be sensitive too, these days. News flash: unless there’s a contract involved, no developer that is not Sony is required to develop for a Sony platform. Not too long ago, you said that you keep developing on the PS3 difficult because you want only the best. Well, let’s assume I believe such horrible PR work. Even if true, all that does is cause developers and publishers to go where the money is. AKA, not the PS3. And then, you end up with cross-platform titles that aren’t designed to take full advantage of your NASA-level hardware anyway. Mission accomplished!
   
   E. Don’t try to fight The Big N on the handheld market! For God’s sakes, why does no one ever learn this lesson? You’ve bled money into the sinking ship that is the PSP, loaded it up with features, released about 10,000 bundles that are actually a decent deal…and the DS is still kicking your ass! With ultra combos. That money and effort could have gone into the PS3. Instead you’re losing the fight on both fronts.
   
   F. Learn from Nintendo. After the Super Nintendo, they assumed they could do whatever they want and people would love it because it was Nintendo. And what happened? You spent the next decade humiliating them like a third-grader on the middle-school playground. It is, in fact, eerie just how similar you two are. You both succeeded because of third-party support. You both threw that out the window. Nintendo failed to evolve; you relied too much on traditional ideas of evolution. Looking at the parallels, I don’t think you know why you succeeded in the first place at all.

   
   

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Dead Pixels has 1 comment on this chronicle.

1. JackDaniels624
   Posted On Mar 17 2009

   I love your writing style! English is awesome...Wait a minute back on trail...
   
   You actually reminded me of the trouble I had with my PS2. It eventually stopped reading discs, not a problem I'm a patient guy. So we sent it in no problem.
   Then when I finally got it back, I tried opening the disc tray...Only it was stuck! Called them and they said "Whoops we forgot to take the latch off it" or something...So we sent it back and they offered me a free game from a list of 10 or so (all under 20 bucks, but still I got Syphon Filter 2 which was fun). The problem was that they thought I would have kept my Playstation despite owning a PS2 with back-compatibility...
   
   We got it back and it was still stuck. My dad called and they said he was allowed to try and pry it open, only it broke off so we sent it back in. It came back stuck again but luckily my dad pried it open successfully!
   
   So uhh yeah...Good job their eh?