Dead Pixels has 41 chronicles

1. Stop Saying there’s Nothing to Play or I will Slap You
   

   Player Chronicle -- Posted on Jul 29 2009

   Stop Saying There’s Nothing to Play or I Will Slap You
   (that’s my best title ever)
   
   Dead Pixels
   7-28-09
   By Ryan M. Eft
   
   We’re right in the middle of that time of year again, the time of year when unobservant gamers everywhere utter the same nonsense phrase.
   
   “There’s nothing to play.”
   
   Of course, you may hear some variant, but that’s always the basic gist. I view everything through a filter of heavy disdain, so these people always appear to me as red-faced, bawling babies, and the statement comes out thick and strangled and yet strangely high-pitched, like this:
   
   “There---there---there’s nothing to PLAAAAAAAAAAAAY! *uncontrolled sobbing*”
   
   We’re going, forthwith, to call this the Wah Poor Me Disease, or WPMD for short. I may find other uses for it later.
   
   This statement always comes across as incredibly ludicrous to me. Granted, most of these statements can be easily translated as “Call of Duty isn’t out yet, and I’m too short-sighted to try something new.” I realize that’s not what everyone is thinking, so I’ll try and be fair. Replace “Call of Duty” with “Halo” or “Guitar Hero”, and I think I’ve pretty much covered most people. There you go.
   
   We know the symptoms of this disease: the afflicted person misses out on dozens of great games every year and complains a lot. So let’s study a few of the causes.
   
   1. Unwillingness to accept that no blood does not make a game bad
   For those of us who ARE willing to try new things, the absurdity of this statement is obvious, to the point where we may assume the person saying such a thing is simply being obstinate. I routinely find out that many people genuinely believe this POV does not sound asinine, though, and I’m surprised every time. I often find that people who suffer from this type of WPMD will buy any horrible game, from Wanted to Kingdom Under Fire, as long as it provides them with ample opportunity to kill and maim. If that’s all they want, fine, I guess. I’m simply suggesting that if they refuse to step outside these boundaries, they have no right to pout. With a few tweaks in the wording, this can apply to sports-only, or even RPG-only gamers, but the blood-only gamers do seem more prevalent.
   
   2. But I don’t have that much money
   Let me get this out of the way: there are people who say this, and mean it, and would (and do) buy a variety of things when they DO have money, and who don’t exhibit any symptoms of WPMD. Those people are excused from this lecture. But this ties into #2, in that many of the people who claim they have no money to try something new DO have enough money to drop endless amounts on every horrible shooter/sports title/etc in sight. There are also WPMD sufferers who clearly have no money management skills, buying brand new piece-of-crap games and selling them three days later when they realize they suck. So that could be prevented by reading a review or two. Also, if you absolutely must, buy a secondhand copy. I’m not a big supporter of this, as it gives publishers no money. But secondhand games are often relatively cheap, and if it will help cure one more sufferer of WPMD, I will grudgingly mention it.
   
   3. It looks weird
   Why do you bother to play games if you’re only going to buy stuff you’ve played in some form before? It looks weird because the last 800 games you played either were Call of Duty, or were just shy of owning Cal of Duty a monthly royalty check. People who say this also often insist they don’t have the cash, but I think I solved that one above.
   
   Those, as I see it, are the three main causes of WPMD. And now, in my official capacity as a doctor, I am going to offer a prescription, consisting of a handful of more-or-less recent releases that can serve as cures for WPMD...
   
   Blazblue: Calamity Trigger
   http://blazblue.jp/us/
   
   And Yet it Moves
   http://www.andyetitmoves.net/
   
   East India Company
   http://www.eic-game.com/
   
   ‘Splosion Man
   http://xboxlive.ign.com/articles/100/1005157p1.html
   
   So the next person who says “There---there---there’s nothing to PLAAAAAAAAY!” gets slapped.

   
   

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Dead Pixels has 4 comment s on this chronicle.

1. Dead Pixels
   Posted On Aug 03 2009

   Such copious praise is somehow gratifying while also making me vaguely uncomfortable. Glad you're all enjoying the columns.
   
   Seripha, you summed up the point nicely. If someone wants to limit what they play, more power to them, but they pretty much give up the right to whine about it. Also, they could (HORRORS!) go outside, or read a book. I'm a radical, I am.
   
   Ben, I think you summed up everything I ever say. "Aggressive, yet understandable." I like it.

2. Seripha
   Posted On Jul 29 2009

   An interesting look on a mentality that does seem prevalent in our media overloaded culture. I remember as a kid having to wait months between big name release titles. Now, they are drizzled out on a weekly basis. It is true that Call of Duty may honestly be the only game that someone wants to play, but even if that is the case, I sure don't want to hear him whine about it! Great article.

3. BEN
   Posted On Jul 29 2009

   
   
   I always appreciate your aggressive, yet often times understandable approach. There are absolutely too many games out there to say there's nothing to play, but I must admit, I fall into this whiny category once in awhile as well.
   
   I think it takes an extra effort to go out an buy a less popular game. Not because it's a $40-$60 risk, but more that I feel if I wait, there will be something I REALLY want and it won't be such a risk.
   
   All in all though, I agree with your article/rant here...nice work and I'll be looking forward to next week's Dead Pixel article for sure!

4. MrBigJeezy
   Posted On Jul 28 2009

   Genius, as usual. Two thumbs up. =D